When Snapchat introduced the objective perfection known as the dancing hot dog filter, I was immediately smitten.
Right away, I knew Dancing Hot Dog was wholesome. It was smiling. It was wearing green headphones, probably purchased from Urban Outfitters in the year 2012. I loved Dancing Hot Dog, and I was audacious enough to assume Dancing Hot Dog loved me, too.
There was only one problem: I did not have Snapchat. In fact, I had deleted it for two reasons: 1. I prefer Instagram Stories and 2. I wanted to download that game where you are a doomed astronaut and jump into the sun and I needed the space.
With these priorities in mind, I resisted redownloading Snapchat for a while, instead watching YouTube videos and looking at tweets of other people enjoying the Dancing Hot Dog.
So, friends, I fucking did it. I reinstalled Snapchat and now the only thing I do on there is look at the hot dog filter (sound on, obviously, for the tunes). I do not send Snaps. I rarely view Snaps. My friends are dead to me and my streaks are broken.
I only watch the hot dog dance, and when I have had my fill, I log off.
Here are the things I deleted in order to redownload Snapchat and acquire the hot dog:
The Lemonade app I had to download to buy renter’s insurance for some reason
Two episodes of my favorite murder podcast, My Favorite Murder
A video I took of myself sneezing to see what it would look like
Several pics of the same Pomeranian, each more zoomed in than the last
A beautiful series of panorama photos taken at the top of a mountain (moved to computer, but now I can’t look at them when I’m bored on the train and listening to sweeping instrumental rock)
And now I have this animated hot dog instead. It was all worth it, baby! Follow your heart.