Decades from now, when American students learn about this abysmal period of history, they’ll discover that the man behind the collapse of American democracy wore a golden baseball cap with the word “cunty” on it.
That man’s name is Rob Goldstone, and he’s a British music publicist and former tabloid journalist responsible for setting up the meeting between Donald Trump Jr. and a Russian lawyer. To understand Goldstone and Trump’s alleged collusion, you need to look no further than Goldstone’s shamelessly public Facebook account and Instagram history.
The devil is in the insanely explicit details.
Goldstone’s Facebook provides a veritable timeline of Trump’s I-guess-still-alleged collusion with the Russians. It should come as no surprise that a man who loves to pose with suede loafers that say “Sex” on them isn’t exactly chill when it comes to acts of treason.
Let’s take a look at Goldstone’s still magically public social media history and examine how we let a man who thinks duck lips are hot take down the most powerful country in the world.
1. When Trump won the election, Goldstone congratulated Russia on Instagram
Though Goldstone has since made his Instagram private, a screenshot of him wearing a Russia T-shirt in the hours after the election has gone viral. “Hedging bets,” Goldstone wrote in the photo’s caption at the time, which I’m sure has nothing to do with collusion and everything to do with his predictions for the upcoming season of Game of Thrones.
2. Goldstone actually checked in to Trump Tower on Facebook for Trump Jr’s meeting with a Russian lawyer
If you’re looking to hide a potentially treasonous meeting you’ve held for one of your clients, don’t post about it on Four Square. Also, the only people who still use Four Square are aging suburban teenagers who check into Olive Garden.
3. Goldstone loves imagining that he’s member of the fallen hemophiliac Russian aristocracy
The publicist dreams that, in an earlier life, he was a handsome member of an inbred monarchy that brutalized millions of serfs. Hawt!
4. Goldstone also isn’t afraid of posting photos of Trump with Russian pop star Emin Agalarov, a cool guy whose father just happens to be BFFs with Putin.
They’re just three crazy guys, hangin’ out chillin’ out underminin’ liberal democracies worldwide.
5. Don’t forget this grainy gem, posted the day after the election
This photo looks like it’s a screenshot taken from a sh*tty gas station surveillance camera from 1982, but yes, post away!
5. He’s an eclectic reader with a keen interest in foreign adversaries
6. He’s reclaiming the duck lip selfie, one like at a time
7. He’s really, really into close-ups of himself in costume
8. Goldstone has a special spot in his heart for unloved dolls
9. He doesn’t appear to be taking of any of this down anytime soon
The evidence of collusion is explicit and over-the-top and publicly available. You would imagine that Goldstone, who literally wrote an email to Trump Jr. with the words “high level and sensitive” in it, might want to take it down for legal purposes.
Still, what does he have to fear? He’s a British national and Republicans in Congress don’t seem to be interested in holding Trump accountable anytime soon. Goldstone can post in peace — with no one, except sad dorks on the internet — to tell him no.