Say what you will about None Pizza Left Beef, but at least it was intentional.
The same cannot be said for this monstrosity, which was ordered unwittingly by a mom last week, then posted to Twitter by her son B.J. Stead of the Ohio band Miss May I. (Perhaps you know them? We do not.)
Friends, here is the pizza, which is a pepperoni pizza with no sauce and no cheese. It was ordered using the Domino’s app, which lets you customize a pizza within an inch of its life — making it easy for the less tech-savvy to mis-check a box or two. It also means that when Mom checked the “None” box under the “Sauce” category, no humans were around to look at a hunk of crust and meat and say, “That seems weird and bad.”
To be clear, we would still eat every inch of this pizza. Crust is good, pepperoni is good, and the two together are like an extremely salty meat and bread plate. You could even dip the slices in marinara sauce for a treat we have dubbed (one minute ago) “Weird Breadsticks.”
And all’s well that ends well for this pizza-loving family. A thirsty brand, DiGiorno, offered them 10 free pizzas that “all have cheese and sauce.” Thanks, thirsty brand!