Nothing says “good morning” in Trump’s America better than gathering at a bar with a bunch of strangers before 10 a.m. to drink Russian vodka and watch a Senate hearing … apparently.
On this upcoming, beautiful Thursday, people all over America will wake up, get dressed in their end-of-week finest, and attend one of the many bar parties being thrown across the country for the sole purpose of watching former FBI Director James Comey testify in front of the Senate Intelligence Committee about his interactions with President Trump.
How utterly glorious that this is reality, right?
From Washington, D.C., to San Fransisco, California, bars plan to watch the political madness unfold in style: with FBI-themed food, Russian-inspired drinks, and a serious appreciation for Trump’s most puzzling tweets.
Let’s take a closer look at this lineup, shall we?
Washington, D.C., knows how to partayyyy
Shaw’s Tavern in Washington, D.C., is going above and beyond with an exciting Comey Hearing “Covfefe” — Trump’s late-night Twitter typo that confused the country back in May.
The bash will kick off at 9:30 a.m. and feature “FBI” sandwiches — a political take on the BLT, made with fried chicken, bacon, and iceberg lettuce — or a nutritious “FBI” breakfast of french toast, bacon, and ice cream. And if you’re thirsty, you can pour one out for Putin with an array of Russian vodka flavors to choose from while watching Comey on the bar’s FIVE televisions.
Keeping with the “covfefe” theme, Duffy’s Irish Pub in D.C. is serving some Bloody Marys and legendary covfefe cocktails for its “James Comey Show” event. And The Partisan is also throwing a viewing party.
But if free drinks are more your style, you’ll probably want to head over to D.C.’s Union Pub. It’s opening early and every time Trump sends a Comey tweet with his tiny Twitter fingers, the bar is giving away free drinks to everyone in the bar. Yes, everyone.
Knowing Trump’s Twitter history, this could wind up being a bit dangerous, so Union Pub will be cutting everyone off by 4 p.m, regardless of how long the hearing runs.
Meanwhile in San Francisco …
A bunch of bars on the other side of the country are also opening early, before 7:00 a.m. PDT, (!!!) to join in the, uh … fun.
According to the SF Chronicle, dedicated San Francisco bars like Clooney’s Pub will open at 6 a.m local time, complete with fresh coffee. And Ace’s Bar will also be tuning in to see the former FBI Director do his thing. “Is it good for the bar business? Everything is good for the bar business. When things are good, you drink. When things are bad, you drink. That’s what alcohol’s for,” bartender Jason Bow told the local publication.
And as for Gino and Carlo’s Tavern in North Beach, a bartender told the Chronicle the news will be on, as usual. “It’s going to be a big deal. Seven o’clock is too early for music. People who come in at that hour want to watch the news,” he said.
Other places to watch
Have no fear, rest of America — you can tune in to this history-making testimony, too. Other bars in New York and Texas will be hosting watch parties, but the hearing will be broadcast on every news and major television network and live-streamed on Twitter, so you can gather a few loved ones and throw a Comey shindig of your own.
TGI (almost) Friday, right?