I’ve waited hours for things before, so I can assure you: Standing around with little sign of a foreseeable end is pure and utter misery.
But because humans seem to delight in public schadenfreude, we now have ways to broadcast that misery. And it’s bleak.
Take the thousands of viewers livestreaming a current “Kiss a Kia” contest on Facebook. Participants are trying to win a Kia Optima by smooching it until they’re the last man standing. Because, late capitalism.
The shameless contest was organised by Austin radio station 96.7 KISS FM. It started with 20 contestants on Monday morning. By the evening, there was only 15 left.
The first four hours of the contest were streamed on the Facebook page of FOX 7 Austin. And it’s still going.
To help pass the time, some people have headphones in. Most appear to keep their eyes closed, resting heads on the car in a tactic to save energy.
Others sit on the ground, and lean forward on the car to kiss it. A few contestants lie on the ground and smooch the car above them.
Whatever they do, there’s no denying it’s a soul-crushing exercise in boredom with just a sprinkle of exploitation and a dash of voyeuristic sadism.
Fortunately, contestants get a ten minute break every hour. There could be also “buyouts” throughout the competition, which means people would forfeit their chance to win the car but would receive another prize instead.
A random draw will be held to determine the winner if there is more than one contestant left at the end of 50 hours, which would be a pretty awful way to lose, to be honest.
Of course, “Kiss the Car” competitions aren’t a new concept, with one winner keeping their lips locked for 70 hours in 2012 at a Chevrolet dealership in Michigan.
But thanks to Facebook Live, the brutality of it all is on show. You win, The Spectacle. You win.