Editor’s Note: What do you get when you put Donald Trump and Bridget Jones in a room? Bridget Trump, that’s what. The brainchild of British comic Tiff Stevenson, Bridget Trump is the political parody we’ve all been waiting for. Her Twitter account is remarkably similar to a certain orange-skinned, thin-skinned politician. She took time out from ranting and raving on Twitter to give us her two cents about International Women’s Day.
EXCEPTIONALLY BAD COUPLE OF WEEKS
Watching the giraffe web cam intensely. This is why we women are ridiculous with demands for equal pay and planned parenthood. They should take a leaf out of the giraffe’s book and just give birth ALL THE TIME. Also, those tree leaves are super slimming. Its basically a vegan diet.
Nothing else of note happened today and certainly not in LA with a bunch of Z List OVERRATED actors.
Kellyanne got in a spot of bother today. She kicked off her heels and knelt on the Oval couch, like she was at was at home. I think she even undid her bra! She is OUTRAGEOUS. The internet lost it, as per. Kellyanne is the most important member of my urban family. She makes me realise that we don’t need silly things like International Women’s Day! I gave her a job so what is everyone’s problem?
Also, I may have done a spot of envelope swapping at the Oscars. Hah! That will teach them that Bridget Trump is the only winner around here. I totally won, don’t go recounting all the votes. The popular vote is not even a thing. I am making America Great Again.
Woke up feeling bloated and premenstrual. Was confronted by that English stick insect on the cover of Vanity Fair…Hermione whatsherface. She claims to be one of these ‘feminists’ people keep banging on about. I bet she is friends with Hillary and her cronies. Sad! Always banging on about equality but let’s be honest, should we get paid the same as men? All I do really is tit about and sign things, I never really read anything. I get so emotional and angry at everyone all the time. Being POTUS is like being on your period 365 days a year.
Hillary, Michelle and their gang of flunkies are preparing everyone for IWD. Which is INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY. I may have initially thought it was International Weapons Day but now I know it is something much, MUCH worse.
Chocolate bars consumed – 5 Cadburys Fruit & Nut (a new low)
Exceptionally tedious start to the day. It’s International Women’s Day. It’s all a bit humiliating really, giving us our own special day. I’m all for feminism but when it makes men feel bad then, I, Bridget Trump would like to draw the line.
What about International Men’s Day? It’s just unfair, isn’t it? I think there should be a day for celebrating men. So I’ve been putting out fires all month in my top new job. Only 3 years, 10 months, 2 weeks and 5 hours left but who is counting? NOT ME!